Oddballs Being Oddballs

The names of Stephen Ireland and Manny Ramirez have barely been out of the sports headlines - albeit at different sides of the Atlantic - over the past few months. Ireland is the vastly talented young midfield player with Manchester City and once with the Republic of Ireland, until he inexplicably retired from international competition without an explanation at the age of 20. Ramirez is the Hall of Fame bound slugger who brought the World Series back to Boston after a gap of 86 years in 2004 (and again for good measure in 2007), but whose eccentric and selfish behaviour led to a high profile trade to Los Angeles in July - where he did nothing but get hit after hit after hit and lead the Dodgers into baseball's playoffs.

Both of these players have been guilty of brattish behaviour in the past and present, and both are gifted sportsmen. At the same time, there is a case to be made that both have been misunderstood (to an extent) by both fans and media alike. They have been at times erratic, playful, vexing, and self-serving in their behaviour. But above all, both are enigmatic characters, capable of wonderful play one minute, then shocking carelessless the next, but unlike other sportsmen, they have betrayed a hint of something odd going on inside their heads. In short, both march to the beat of their own drums. And both have killed off their grandmothers to get out of different engagements. Lets compare and contrast for a moment, as it appears that madness in sportsmen has very particular traits.

Killed a Grandparent?

Stephen Ireland is most famous for pulling out of an Ireland squad in the aftermath of a game in Slovakia (but ahead of a crucial game in the Czech Republic), citing the death of his grandmother, when his girlfriend had, apparently, suffered a miscarraige.

"I realise now that it was a massive mistake on my part to tell the FAI and Manchester City that my grandmothers had died and I deeply regret it."

What has muddied the waters since this is that Ireland has yet to make himself available for selection at international level again. This issue has been, understandably, picked up with by the Irish media, especially in light of Ireland's starring performances for Manchester City this season. To date, the player has not addressed the issue directly.

Manny Ramirez was infamous in Boston for calling in sick whenever the mood took him. This became especially apparent this summer, when Ramirez held himself out of the Red Sox lineup despite the club physio having reported no physical issues with the Dominican. These issues had bubbled under throughout Manny's tenure in Boston, but breaking point had been just about avoided each time, despite industry rumours hinting at Boston's desire to trade him. Amongst Red Sox faithful, and the media at large, the whole routine was just dismissed as 'Manny being Manny'. This euphemism was routinely trotted out to explain away Ramirez's eccentricities.

To return to the main point, probably the most famous example of this widespread knowledge of Ramirez's loafing occcured only last February, when the World Series champion Red Sox made the traditional trip to be received at the White House. Ramirez did not attend. Possibly referring to an incident the previous year where Manny claimed to be tending to his sick mother but was actually spotted at a vintage car auction, or possibly referring to the litany of excuses Manny had come up with in his time, President Bush made the remark that: "I guess his Grandmother died again." When the President of the United States is making jokes like this at your expense, well, the secret is well and truly out.

Issues with your hair?

Stephen Ireland is still only 22 years old. He has been noticably balding for as long as he has been in the public eye - around three years. There is no shame in that, and it is something which happens to many young men like Ireland, and ultimately, will happen to all of us (I mean, just look what happened to Britney). However, Ireland seems to be more sensitive about this than most. So much so, in fact, that last year he showed up with what looked suspiciously like a weave atop his head. Yes, Ireland joined Borislav Mikhailov amongst the ranks of footballers wearing wigs. Unfortunately, Ireland, being something of an extrovert, chose to get a none too subtle rug, as these pictures surely demonstrate.

This quickly became the talk of football fans across the country, and all around the internet. Obviously, his team-mates took notice too. A rumour did the rounds that Ireland had been subjected to banter/bullying (depends on one's outlook) in the dressing room with the Ireland team, a major reason in his international exile. Team-mate Stephen Hunt denied these rumours, while keeping his tongue firmly in his cheek: "There wasn't even that. There was no banter about his hair, nothing was said about his hair. It's grown four inches in a year. He knows that himself."

Ireland showed up for the new season with his head clean shaven. In an inverse Samson move, his form has been the best of his life, and despite the influx of foreign stars at Manchester City, Ireland has been arguably their best and most important player.

Over the past couple of years Ramirez has boasted an unkempt tangle of dreadlocks atop his head. In Boston, this was, as usual, dismissed as Manny-being-Manny. It was just something he did, and best not to challenge him on it. Especially when you're paying the guy $20 million a year, it was best not to exacerbate the often tense situation anymore than necessary. However, once Manny was traded to Los Angeles, it became an issue. Why? The manager of the Dodgers is one Joe Torre, an old school and genial type who demands that his players comport themselves professionally, in every respect - including 'sensible' personal grooming. Crucially, Torre has the history to back up such demands, having won four World Series in five years with the New York Yankees.

Thus began another saga in the life of Manny Ramirez. Torre demanded he cut his ridiculous dreads. Manny responded by trimming his mane very slightly, describing the cut as “One inch, half-an-inch ...It’s still long. If I come back next year, it will be shorter.” Torre, for his part, was philosophical, knowing that with Manny, what seems like a rational request is not always treated as such:

"He took a little bit off ... In the initial meeting I had with him when I said, 'How important is your hair?' He said, 'You want me to cut it?' I said, 'Well, I'd like you to clean it up a little bit.' I think he was within the rules of cleaning it up a little bit ...Like Billy Crystal said in 'Analyze That,' 'It's a process.'"

The whole incident stretched out over a number of weeks and received far more press coverage than it had any right to. For his part, there was no Samson factor with Ramirez. He responded by producing a scintillating two months of hitting, leading the Dodgers to the playoffs, and leading himself to a huge pay-day in the offseason.

Odd Behaviour on the Field of Play?

There are a lot of eccentrics who happen to be professional sportsmen. And there are also a lot of professional sportsmen who happen to be eccentrics. The media is more intrusive than ever and we know much more than we'd really like to know about high profile figures in the world of sport. Not many of them carry legitimately eccentric behaviour onto the field of play though. Our two heroes, Ireland and Ramirez, have legitimate claim to have done that.

In a game against Sunderland last year, Ireland scored the winning goal, and celebrated in a new and novel way. He dropped his shorts to reveal a pair of skintight Superman pants underneath. For his part, in a game in 2005 Ramirez disappeared into the Green Monster (left field wall and scoreboard) in Boston's Fenway Park - between pitches. He emerged just in time for the next pitch, but almost left his position unoccupied for the start of play. His excuse? ''I [urinated] in a cup." The Boston Globe tried to explain the situation:

It's hard to know when Manny is kidding. We do know there is no bathroom inside the left-field wall. It's a dark, hot, smelly hovel, occupied by a couple of scoreboard operators -- traditionally guys being punished by the grounds crew chief. There was speculation that Manny was going into the wall to cool off in front of an electric fan, but the pee break seems more likely.

In a game in Baltimore earlier this year, Ramirez made a running catch in left field, continued running towards the wall, jumped up to high-five a Red Sox fan in the front row, before turning and throwing the ball back to first. Amazingly, he still managed to complete a double play. Of course, this endeared him to fans and bloggers alike, but continued the process of alienation from management in Boston.

Do You Even Care?

Shortly after the bruhaha about Stephen Ireland's Grandmother had subsided, it was discovered that the player had a personal page on the Bebo social networking site. This page was a rather grisly discovery for fans of Irish football, as it featured far too many photos of Ireland posing in various states of undress with his girlfriend, as well as some disturbing quotes. Under the pseudonym 'Daddy Dick', Ireland claimed that 'football is shit' and asked 'why did I get stuck doin it?' A rather startling declaration to make, given that at this point in his career Ireland was far from an established player, yet still thought to be earning in the region of €20,000 per week. Not bad work for something you may or may not even enjoy.

Manny Ramirez makes a lot more than that. A lot more than that. After the 2000 season he signed a $160 million eight year contract to play for the Red Sox. However, he caused most of the population of New England to spontaneously combust during the 2007 playoffs. In the aftermath of a defeat to Cleveland in the best-of-seven series which left Boston down by three games to one and facing elimination, Manny claimed (in his first post-season interview) that:

"If it doesn't happen, who cares?...It's not the end of the world."

Summing Up:

There are other similarities between these two oddballs: both have a history with cars. Ireland, in an ill-advised move, drives a Range Rover with pink trimmings, which, once the pictures leaked onto the internet, did nothing to improve his image. Manny, as already mentioned, has a thing for cars. On a number of occasions he has tried to auction them on eBay. He also tried to auction a barbecue grill on eBay, but it was revealed that the grill was not actually his and that he was doing it as a favour for a neighbour to drive up the price.

Both Ramirez and Ireland have a 'questionable' sense of fashion in general, it might be said, but there's nothing much unusual about that.

For all their brattish behaviour, it must be remarked that Ramirez and Ireland are genuinely cut apart from the average pampered sportstar with their endless and unreasonable demands. While they have demonstrated that they will make such demands and be generally inconsiderate, they are also what can be described as genuine eccentrics. While it is a clichéd term, it is not a stretch to also claim that both are, to an extent, misunderstood, Manny the playful Man-child and Ireland being the sensitive Superchav.

I don't believe that either are malicious mercenaries. And of course, lets not forget that both men occupy very different positions in their respective sports - Manny is a Hall of Fame bound superstar, one of the biggest names and best paid players in the entire sport. Ireland is an up-and-comer, a player with huge potential but relatively unknown, save for his litany of gaffes and odd behaviour. If nothing else, these guys give us something to talk about and seem to contradict the image of the modern sportsman as a soulless and personality free drone. That said, I would have huge reservations should they ever actually meet in person.

Freddie Ljungberg makes a great first impression

Freddie Ljungberg has just signed for the Seattle Sounders FC as their designated player. This was the new rule invented to allow David Beckham to sign for the L.A. Galaxy last year, meaning that one player on the squad will not be subjected to salary cap. Ljungberg's signing is quite a coup as on the surface, as he does not appear to be the battered old pro looking for an easy paycheque at the end of a long career. He is, after all, only 31 and captained Sweden at Euro 2008. In an interview with Seattle's 950 KJR, he had the following to say on the situation:

And then the MLS thing came about a little bit, so I started to talk to people in the football, or soccer as you say, in Europe, and I was like "Yeah, you know", and they're like "No, no Freddie, you shouldn't go for another three years, you should stay and play at the top here for another three years, then you go to the MLS." But then I felt if I'm gonna go, I should go when I'm still at my prime. If I go after three years maybe it's a bit of a lie to tell people I will help them and then I'll be shit.

Lets rewind to July 2007:

West Ham swoop to sign Ljungberg:

"I am really happy to be here and he wants me to help take this club forward. It feels like a big challenge and I am really happy with it."

August 2008:

Freddie Ljungberg considers options after agreeing lucrative pay-off from West Ham.

Combined with the £3 million transfer fee paid to Arsenal last year, and his £85,000-a-week wages for last season, West Ham have spent close to £13 million on Ljungberg, who played just 25 games for the club and scored twice.

I still think this is a great move for the MLS and the Sounders, but I'm sure most West Ham fans would not make much of Ljungberg's assertion that he is still in his prime. Still, kudos to the Swede for his casual swearing on live radio.

Arsenal are, like, really good

I mean, have you ever tried denting a hammer? Not easy.

Bizarrely, a google search for 'Denting a Hummer' (as suggested) provides no direct result and the sixth hit actually takes you back to the match report. My head hurts.

By the way, if it is a hammer that you want to rent, might I heartily recommend Rent-a-Hammer? They have a team of slimmed down Carlos Silvas waiting to help. Lard is optional.

Would You Buy a Used Corluka From this Man?

The following are google searches and results on various Harry Redknapp related themes.

"Harry+Redknapp+top+manager" produces 1230 hits
"Harry+Redknapp+good+manager" produces 896 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+elite+manager" produces 3 hits...

"Harry+Redknapp+Wheeler+Dealer" produces 1580 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+Cockney" produces 5160 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+Dodgy" produces 6590 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+Dodgy+Deals" produces 1220 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+Shifty" produces 2810 hits

"Harry+Redknapp+geezer" produces 1030 hits

"'Arry+Redknapp" produces 2580 hits...

***

It has always seemed to me that, moreso than any other other figure in the game, Redknapp carries with him a certain image in the media which he has found it almost impossible to shake, namely, that of the Cockney wideboy made good, the wheeler dealer, the slightly dodgy second hand car salesman that you might think twice about buying that Cortina from. While at West Ham, his activity in the transfer market was legendary for its excess; however, I think there is a fair case to be made that in his time at Portsmouth he undertook something of a metamorphosis from the old school football man to a more than competent progressive and forward looking manager.

He made Portsmouth into an established Premiership force, taking them into the UEFA cup and winning the F.A. cup in 2008. He did this not based on huff and puff, but on playing good football and through smart scouting of foreign (and especially African based) players. Portsmouth never quite achieved the heights which many predicted for them and remained quite inconsistent in league form. For his part, Redknapp was somewhat dogged by questions over his integrity, but these remain unsubstantiated. That said, I think that he has at least earned the right to a reassessment of his managerial nous. The Tottenham gig will provide that.

I'm very curious to see how he fares. Is it time to acknowledge that Harry Redknapp is more than Dave Bassett or Ron Atkinson redux? Or is he cut from the same cloth as the Grand Old Duke of York - a manager who, in Danny Baker's words, will 'march his troops to the top of the hill, then march them back down again'? This will surely be his final chance to address those clichés.

Returning to an Old Favourite

Jackin' It?

Today was a big day for fans of the Seattle Mariners. Having been rudderless since the middle of June when General Manager Bill Bavasi was fired (insert 'rudderless for the previous four years joke here'), they unveiled the man who will replace him today. He is Jack Zduriencik, former director of scouting with the Milwaukee Brewers. Given the nature of the Mariners' management over the past five or so years, the announcement of the new General Manager (made on Wednesday) and the introductory press conference (today) were the subject of feverish anticipation amongst fans of Seattle baseball and unemployed degenerates alike (I'm not sure which category I fall into).

Under the regimes of Bavasi and his predecessor, Pat Gillick, the Mariners were run by old-school, gut instinct baseball lifers. In short, they were adherents to the old received wisdom, relying purely on what they saw with their eyes over increasingly effective statistical methods which were becoming the norm amongst more progressive organisations. Whilst Gillick had some success, this was to the detriment of the Mariners' farm system. He left in 2003, the Mariners' future decimated. Bavasi was relatively successful in turning this end of things around, however, his reign was marred by terrible acquisitions at the major league level, either by trade or free agent signing. The worst of these, last offseason's trade for pitcher Erik Bedard, succeeded in ripping a promising core from their slowly developing farm system. Bedard spent most of the year injured. The Mariners lost 101 games while spending $117 million on payroll, a record for such a payroll. People weren't happy.

From Wednesday onwards, the media uniformly told us two things. First of all, Zduriencik's name is pronounced Zur-EN-sik. Secondly, he was responsible for the emergence of stars like Ryan Braun and Prince "I'm a Vegetarian, Me" Fielder in Milwaukee due to his impeccible draft strategy. However, many M's bloggers and commentators were left feeling a little underwhelmed with the appointment, as he was not perceived to be in the vanguard of SABR-savvy thinking. At heart, he is an old-school kind of guy, certainly when compared to the other finalists for the Mariners job. Also, his relative anonymity compared to the more high profile courting of executives like Los Angeles' Kim Ng (who stood to be the first woman GM in history) or Toronto's Tony LaCava meant he was viewed as something of a mystery.

Mariners fans were asking a number of questions ahead of the hiring of the new GM, and specifically in light of Zduriencik's appointment. Namely, what attitude would he have towards the use of statistical analysis, anathema under previous regimes, and how much autonomy would he be given to do his job in the light of meddling by the duo of Howard Lincoln (CEO) and Chuck Armstrong (President)? On this latter point, catcher Kenji Johjima was given a three year extension worth $24 million last season, despite being one of the worst offensive players in the major leagues. It was later revealed that this decision was made not by Bavasi, but came from ownership, through Lincoln and Armstrong.

So, onto the Press Conference. The Z-man was, as could be expected, rather short on specifics. He seemed a tad uncomfortable in front of the media, and delivered some of his points nervously. The bulk of what he had to say was very positive, however. Thenagain, these things tend to be.

First of all, in a move away from the traditional Mariner emphasis on good guys with 'character' and 'veteran presence' who 'know how to win', he emphasised talent as the decisive factor in any decison regarding personnel. Invoking team chemistry or character will be purely secondary. Thank Christ! For an organisation as conservative as Seattle, this is the equivalent of Pope Benedict announcing that he's got a lovechild. With Peter Mandelson. Or something. Anyway, it's big.

When pressed on the use of statistical analysis, Jack, in a McCainesque moment, worryingly referred to Sabermetrics as 'Cybermetrics', but one can assume that this was a slip of the tongue. He spoke of having used every statistic available in Milwaukee in conjunction with more traditonal scouting methods. This is the common sense approach to take, as it is not a case of the two being irreconcilable. Rather, they must serve to be complimentary. However, when elaborating on this, he did oddly refer to the ability to get on base as an 'intangible.'

Finally, the other noteworthy point was the degree of autonomy to be afforded to Zduriencik. Armstrong emphasised that the new General Manager would have full power to make decisions (as any holder of that post should, of course). Zduriencik reiterated this. Given his choice of shirts in the past, I think I'd like to believe that he is quite independent minded.

Today was easily the most exciting day that a fan of the Seattle Mariners has had in a while. While Zduriencik was not the perfect candidate and doubts persist that he is still too much part of the old school baseball establishment, he is a good candidate. Today's press conference was a promising, if somewhat hesitant start. The fact remains that actions will speak much louder than words.

Isn't that just making things worse?

From an opinion piece in The Times which has, by the way, nothing to do with sport. Although I could try to make some sort of Graham Rix reference, it's just too much hassle. Anyways, that's what they're expecting me to do.

Can there be a youth left in Britain who doesn't know how to roll on a condom, or that having sex without contraception is liable to result in babies? Such is the prevalence of sex education in schools that it seems to me that any British teenager, unless educated at home and a member of some obscure religious sect, already has sufficient knowledge by the age of 14 to lead a UN birth control programme in a small African nation.

But that hasn't stopped the Scout Association adding sex education to its own curriculum, starting with six-year-old Beavers....

Reading too much into Goal Celebrations

A story emerged over the weekend which suggested that because Cristiano Ronaldo had not celebrated his goal against West Bromwich Albion on Saturday, he was not entirely happy with his lot at Manchester United. The 'logical' conclusion to this analyis was that perhaps he is not over his summer flirtation with Real Madrid. I am not sure I have ever heard such a trumped up 'story' in my life. Since when did goal celebrations become indicators of such things? Lets consider for a moment what other famous goal celebrations might reveal about their perpetrators.

Gabriel Batistuta: Has a gun fetish. Is dangerous. Every time he celebrated a goal, it was the equivalent of an American high school outcast posting a video on Youtube revealing his dark intentions.

Emile Heskey: Wants to quit football to become a professional DJ. Of course, this story was never taken up in the papers because, as we all know, the Hesk only gets to try out his goal celebration but once a year....boom boom.

Fabrizio Ravanelli: Is actually a vampire and allergic to natural light. This only became apparent when he scored a goal.

Roger Milla: Amazingly, Milla never wanted to be a footballer. All his life, he dreamed of being a pole dancer. Alas, this was frowned upon in his native Cameroon, and thus he could only express his deepest desires through goal celebrations.

Alan Shearer: A closet Nazi, don't you know.

Nani: Such is Man Yoo winger Nani's affection for weightlessness, he's currently in discussions with NASA to buy out his contract at Old Trafford so he can become an astronaut. Obviously, playing second fiddle to Ronaldo for both club and country, this story has not received much coverage in the tabloids.

Robbie Keane: Despite having made millions due to a succession of high profile transfers and substantial transfer fees, Robbie Keane actually would rather quit his lavish lifestyle and join and under-12 boys gymnastics team.

Thierry Henry: Is an arrogant so and so. Oh, hang on...

It may be the case that Ronaldo is not happy at Old Trafford. I for one believe that he will be out of Old Trafford sooner rather than later. Only the most naive of Man Utd fans can believe that he will stay in Manchester for the remainder of his current contract. However, stories such as this are beyond ridiculous. Dimitar Berbatov chooses not to acknowledge his goals and is lauded for his insouciant and languid approach to the game. It was similar with Cantona. Ronaldo? He wants out, obviously...

[I first came across this 'story' in the print edition of Monday's Guardian, but it has disappeared from the online version. Perhaps they saw sense].

Going Missing

Football commentators like to talk of players 'going missing' in big games. This criticism has marred the career of Eric Cantona, hung over that of Cristiano Ronaldo until Manchester United won the Champions League in 2008, and it has been used to describe Thierry Henry's fortunes in cup finals over the years too. In short, it describes a player who doesn't like the big occasion, and lacks the mental makeup to meet big challenges. He can perform well in meaningless games against inferior teams, but in the big pressure environment, he falters.

The United States won 6-1 on Saturday evening in a World Cup qualifier. Their opponents, one could certainly infer from the scoreline, had a number of players go missing. Only, in this case, the Cuban national team quite literally had a number of players go missing. They defected.

Alcantara said he was in the lobby, wearing a casual shirt, shorts and tennis shoes, when he saw the coaches wander into the gift shop. He rode the escalator down to street level and "started running like crazy and didn't look behind," he said through an interpreter who arranged the interview and requested anonymity for political reasons.
After sprinting for about eight blocks, Alcantara said he flagged down a taxi and, with the few words of English he knew, told the driver, "Go, go, go!"

Reiner Alcantara later added that he felt that he had 'let the team down' by defecting before their crunch game with the United States. Can we again point out that they lost 6-1? Although perhaps in such circumstances the game itself was not exactly relevant. Still, it might only be common courtesy to wait until after the game before defecting. As it was, he went missing, literally and metaphorically.

As an aside, I feel that this might be the only possible reasonable excuse that I will accept from Stephen Ireland for his self imposed exile from the Irish international setup. Unfortunately, the Republic of Ireland's membership in the European Union, and their generally friendly diplomatic terms with just about every nation on the globe precludes such a defection. However, the mental image of (Stephen) Ireland lurking about with the squad, wearing his customary bling (see the gold-plated cap he was spotted with on MOTD2 a few weeks back) waiting until Steve Staunton and Kevin McDonald had wandered into the pub in Bratislava, then commandeering a taxi (with pink alloys) and demanding that the driver just 'go' until they had safely arrived in Manchester is one that is much more comforting than the actual scenario as it played out last year.

Financial Times

All the talk at the moment in the sportspages of newspapers is about the impact of the Global Financial Crisis/Credit Crunch/Impending Recession on football. It makes for interesting discussion: English football is, as we all know, where the big money is these days. There has been a spate of big money takeovers in recent years and the transfers of Robinho and Dimitar Berbatov at the transfer deadline show that transfer fees are as gaudy as ever. However, the collapse of West Ham's main sponsor, XL, the troubles experienced by Man Utd's main sponsor, AIG, the inability of Mike Ashley to find a buyer for Newcastle United, and many other things point towards impending problems in the game.

All of this has become the subject of analysis and projections, which can be found on better sites than this. No, what I'd rather do here is look at something which has been hitherto left untouched - perhaps rightly so, due to the gravity of the situation - namely, the importation of the dominant language of the day into football analysis. Let me explain. When a story is getting a lot of press, particularly, although not always just in the realm of pop culture, headline writers and commentators will find a 'witty' way to work it into their respective pieces. So, bearing that in mind, lets set to work with how they might do something similar with the Global Financial Crisis.

*****

I tell you wha' George, Ronaldo has gone down like the Dow Jones there...
--- Perfect in any case of diving.

OR

And Ronaldo throws himself to the ground like a Wall Street worker from his thirtieth floor office window!
--- Ditto, perhaps better suited to the more outrageous dive.

You have to give the goalkeeper credit for the save there, but in the current financial situation, that may not be possible...
--- For the commentator with the darker sense of humour.

There has been a lot of talk of recession this week, but try telling that to these excited fans of plucky Yeovil, who drew Manchester United in the F.A Cup Third Round...
--- Typically patronising F.A. Cup bluster. Probably on the BBC.

With all the talk of a credit crunch bringing the game to its knees, tonight on Match of the Day we think you'll find that there is plenty of crunch still left in the game.
--- Cheesy intro by Gary Lineker, atop a predictable montage of tackles by midfield battlers like Kevin Nolan, Michael Brown, Owen Hargreaves and Michael Essien.

United, FTSE Drop Points
--- Predictable Headline, with priorities in correct order.

Commentator: And Cole sells his goalkeeper short with that backpass...
Co-commentator: ...a bit like a Wall Street trader, George...
(Really awkward silence)
--- Typical Ray Houghton/Mark Lawrenson style 'banter'.

There's been a lot of talk of investors pulling out this week, but there's no way Barton was pulling out of that tackle...
--- In fact, I could probably sell these to ITV.

*****

Please feel free to suggest more.

So Damien, How Many Points Do We Have Again?

The Pantheon of Great Opening Lines

"My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already."
---- American Beauty (1999).

"I've been in this town so long that back in the city I've been taken for lost and gone and unknown for a long long time."
---- 'Heroes and Villains', The Beach Boys/Van Dyke Parks (1967).

"I believe in America."
---- The Godfather (1972).

"Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, I don't know."
---- L'Étranger, Albert Camus (1942).

"Someone must have been telling lies about Josef K., he knew he had done nothing wrong but, one morning, he was arrested."
---- The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925).

"I am not Jesus but I have the same initials."
---- 'Dishes', Pulp (1998).

***

Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird?
Bird: Me.
Kinnear: You’re a c*nt.
Bird: Thank you.

---- Joe Kinnear's first press conference as Newcastle manager (2008).