Financial Times

All the talk at the moment in the sportspages of newspapers is about the impact of the Global Financial Crisis/Credit Crunch/Impending Recession on football. It makes for interesting discussion: English football is, as we all know, where the big money is these days. There has been a spate of big money takeovers in recent years and the transfers of Robinho and Dimitar Berbatov at the transfer deadline show that transfer fees are as gaudy as ever. However, the collapse of West Ham's main sponsor, XL, the troubles experienced by Man Utd's main sponsor, AIG, the inability of Mike Ashley to find a buyer for Newcastle United, and many other things point towards impending problems in the game.

All of this has become the subject of analysis and projections, which can be found on better sites than this. No, what I'd rather do here is look at something which has been hitherto left untouched - perhaps rightly so, due to the gravity of the situation - namely, the importation of the dominant language of the day into football analysis. Let me explain. When a story is getting a lot of press, particularly, although not always just in the realm of pop culture, headline writers and commentators will find a 'witty' way to work it into their respective pieces. So, bearing that in mind, lets set to work with how they might do something similar with the Global Financial Crisis.

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I tell you wha' George, Ronaldo has gone down like the Dow Jones there...
--- Perfect in any case of diving.

OR

And Ronaldo throws himself to the ground like a Wall Street worker from his thirtieth floor office window!
--- Ditto, perhaps better suited to the more outrageous dive.

You have to give the goalkeeper credit for the save there, but in the current financial situation, that may not be possible...
--- For the commentator with the darker sense of humour.

There has been a lot of talk of recession this week, but try telling that to these excited fans of plucky Yeovil, who drew Manchester United in the F.A Cup Third Round...
--- Typically patronising F.A. Cup bluster. Probably on the BBC.

With all the talk of a credit crunch bringing the game to its knees, tonight on Match of the Day we think you'll find that there is plenty of crunch still left in the game.
--- Cheesy intro by Gary Lineker, atop a predictable montage of tackles by midfield battlers like Kevin Nolan, Michael Brown, Owen Hargreaves and Michael Essien.

United, FTSE Drop Points
--- Predictable Headline, with priorities in correct order.

Commentator: And Cole sells his goalkeeper short with that backpass...
Co-commentator: ...a bit like a Wall Street trader, George...
(Really awkward silence)
--- Typical Ray Houghton/Mark Lawrenson style 'banter'.

There's been a lot of talk of investors pulling out this week, but there's no way Barton was pulling out of that tackle...
--- In fact, I could probably sell these to ITV.

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Please feel free to suggest more.