ClapTrap

The official FAI website recently ran a feature called 'Ask Trap'. This allowed readers to submit questions for the great Trapattoni with the promise that the six 'most popular' questions would be answered by the lovable but indecipherable Italian. One wonders why they would choose to run with the six 'most popular' when it's clear that, in my opinion at the very least, the six most popular questions amongst Irish fans would be the following:

1) Whither Andy Reid?

2) Whither Stephen Ireland?

3) Why are you so bloody conservative?

4) What do you make of the Robbie Keane drama?

5) What's Marco Tardelli's favourite nightspot?

6) Is 'mentality' the only English word you've learned since you've been in charge of Ireland?

Ok, so the last two aside, I think that the other four, perhaps in slightly different forms, would be the most popular questions. And although we have heard plenty in the press about both Stephen Ireland and Andy Reid, it doesn't make these any less pressing issues for Irish fans, especially given the former's scintillating club form.

The questions published on the FAI website were predictably censored. Most popular? Lets see...

Question 1: Do you think Robbie Keane going back to Spurs is a good move?

That's one of the six, fine.

Question 2: When we were 1-0 up on Cyprus we had them for the taking and if we had pushed on we would have easily scored and killed the game but instead we played out the 1-0 win but came very close to conceding at the end which would have been a very bad result, we were lucky I feel. Do you not think that when a team is there to be beaten more than one goal that we should be more attack minded?

That's also one of the six, but seriously, don't they have an editor at the FAI? Ultimately, I have no problem with this one as it elicited the wonderful response from Trap that 'If you give [Cyprus] space they will skewer you like a chicken.' I'm not sure if he means they will skewer you in the manner that a psycopathic chicken might skewer its quarry, or in the manner in which a kebab shop employee (lets say Fatih Terim) might prepare his produce. Either way, I'm with Trap on this one.

Question 3: How important do you feel it is having 'B' internationals and should we be putting more impetus on our u21 side?

This is a reasonably important issue but ultimately tangential, in my opinion. Bigger fish to be fried. Yes, the food analogies will continue.

Question 4: Who was the best player that ever played for you and how does Robbie compare?

This is clearly a joke entry that slipped through the net.

Question 5: Mr. Trapattoni. Your opinion about Georgia national team? About Héctor Cúper? What is your prognosis about the recent match between Ireland and Georgia?

Eh? Seriously? This was one of the top six most popular questions submitted? And this was the best phrased example? Just who are we trying to kid here? It's so badly phrased that you'd be forgiven for thinking that Giovanni had written the thing himself.

Question 6: Why not go with a 4-3-3- formation and go for it from here on out?

Yawn.

The media people at the FAI could have claimed that they would print the best six questions (a little more plausible, but still way off the mark) instead of the most popular ones. Are they trying to pretend that Irish fans simply do not care about the Ireland and Reid situations? They may be exasperated by the former's inexplicable moodswings, but he's still a huge source of comment, for better or worse, amongst Irish fans. Andy Reid too. Hell, he's even broached the subject a couple of months ago. While we never would expect that Trap would give away all the inside information in such a format, it is ridiculous of the FAI braintrust to claim that it's not an issue.

[Also: they never answered my question about Mick Wallace. Bastards].