A story emerged over the weekend which suggested that because Cristiano Ronaldo had not celebrated his goal against West Bromwich Albion on Saturday, he was not entirely happy with his lot at Manchester United. The 'logical' conclusion to this analyis was that perhaps he is not over his summer flirtation with Real Madrid. I am not sure I have ever heard such a trumped up 'story' in my life. Since when did goal celebrations become indicators of such things? Lets consider for a moment what other famous goal celebrations might reveal about their perpetrators.
Gabriel Batistuta: Has a gun fetish. Is dangerous. Every time he celebrated a goal, it was the equivalent of an American high school outcast posting a video on Youtube revealing his dark intentions.
Emile Heskey: Wants to quit football to become a professional DJ. Of course, this story was never taken up in the papers because, as we all know, the Hesk only gets to try out his goal celebration but once a year....boom boom.
Fabrizio Ravanelli: Is actually a vampire and allergic to natural light. This only became apparent when he scored a goal.
Roger Milla: Amazingly, Milla never wanted to be a footballer. All his life, he dreamed of being a pole dancer. Alas, this was frowned upon in his native Cameroon, and thus he could only express his deepest desires through goal celebrations.
Nani: Such is Man Yoo winger Nani's affection for weightlessness, he's currently in discussions with NASA to buy out his contract at Old Trafford so he can become an astronaut. Obviously, playing second fiddle to Ronaldo for both club and country, this story has not received much coverage in the tabloids.
Robbie Keane: Despite having made millions due to a succession of high profile transfers and substantial transfer fees, Robbie Keane actually would rather quit his lavish lifestyle and join and under-12 boys gymnastics team.
It may be the case that Ronaldo is not happy at Old Trafford. I for one believe that he will be out of Old Trafford sooner rather than later. Only the most naive of Man Utd fans can believe that he will stay in Manchester for the remainder of his current contract. However, stories such as this are beyond ridiculous. Dimitar Berbatov chooses not to acknowledge his goals and is lauded for his insouciant and languid approach to the game. It was similar with Cantona. Ronaldo? He wants out, obviously...
[I first came across this 'story' in the print edition of Monday's Guardian, but it has disappeared from the online version. Perhaps they saw sense].
1 comment:
Great article. We're also to assume that Steven Gerrard is Mr. Liverpool because he kisses and pounds his badge. He is in fact, a lifelong Everton supporter.
Still, why isn't Ronaldo celebrating? Is it getting too easy for him? He still pouts as much as usual so I wouldn't say he's completely out of sorts...
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